Valentine’s Day can be an exciting and fun day for some, but a sad one for others. What most people don’t realise is that in order to find fulfilment, whether single or partnered, is that you need to fill your own cup first.
So what defines self-love? Well, it’s more than just treating yourself to a bubble bath and a glass of wine. Building a connection from within is so important and will affect the outward connections you have with others, be it friends, family or partners.
Alina Rose is one of Australia’s leading relationship, dating and feminine empowerment experts and she shares her perspective on modern love and why we should be our own muse.
As an expert, Alina knows the importance of self-love and how it can help you make more empowered decisions when it comes to relationships. Although it can be hard for some people who have insecurities or doubts, once you find your unique harmony and balance, everything will fall into place.
Alina talks about the energy that flows within each of us and once you harness this “you’re going to be a magnet for better love and greater experiences”.
She makes an important point that we shouldn’t be waiting for a partner to take us to that fancy restaurant, buy our favourite flowers for us or book that trip you’ve always wanted to do. In her own words, “The only way to attract that energy is to action those experiences for yourself.”
Everyone has a checklist of what they are seeking in an ideal partner, but Alina encourages you to focus on the three pillars of a healthy relationship: presence, praise and positivity.
She explains why we should be tuning into our bodies so we can be “more authentic to each other, therefore more intimate and we can handle any discomfort in our bodies and in our hearts.”
There’s always going to be difficult conversations and life challenges to navigate but you should focus on being present, making sure you praise by using compliments but also critiquing and positivity to have a positive expectation of how everything is going to turn out.
Alina says it's important to ask yourself “how can I create this new blueprint of what I want?”.
Alina emphasises the importance of working on yourself first before dating, saying “If you were to have back pain, you would see a doctor.” Although an obvious example, it really drives home her message of resolving your internal conflict before embarking on a new relationship, which is an integral part of her Love Life Reboot course.
“Love is about openness, vulnerability and innocence. It's about coming with a new, fresh perspective and seeing each person in a new light.”
She works with her clients to unlock that deeper layer of themselves to unlock their full potential and heal any past trauma or grief they may be holding on to.
Online dating apps and websites have grown in popularity over the years, which has resulted in some amazing love stories. Although she sees the positives, Alina says to approach the process with an air of caution.
“Having access to so many faces on a screen does allow us to be a little bit more disposable and transactional so we have to sift through a bit more.”
As for the online conversations, she claims men and women are equally as guilty when it comes to etiquette. Alina explains that men complain that women take ages to reply while women complain that men are just writing silly and lewd messages.
“So with that level of emotional detachment, you’ve got to understand that you can’t have a deep, personal connection with everybody but it’s an opportunity for banter and to connect.”
But how do you take the online to offline?
Well that’s a decision you both have to make and as Alina explains. not everybody that you’re chatting to is going to be comfortable moving the conversation offline. She emphasises the point that before technology and advancements in travel, we’d only know about 50 people in our lifetime. Now, we can see up to 50 people in one night on a single screen thanks to dating apps.
“So it’s overwhelming and we are consciously creating barriers to that, which is where the root of some of these flakey behaviours can come from.”
She encourages women to “skill-up” so they can create a really heightened experience for themselves instead of recreating more of the same old stuff.
As idolised in magazines and films, the notion of finding “the one” has put high expectations in people’s minds of finding their dream partner. Rather than be dismissive of this concept, Alina says there may actually be some truth to it.
“A lot of the time people have this intuitive sense in their bones that there is someone out there to unite energetically with,”
The key, she says, is to match the other persons vibrations as well as surrendering yourself and trusting the process. Just as the sun rises and sets every day and the moon follows cycles, no amount of wishing is going to change the natural process.
To summarise our interview, she leaves me with this message: “Relax and be patient, everybody that you meet and interact with is a wonderful gift and a stepping stone on your journey, a beautiful lesson.”